STRESSED OUT

Last night was one of the scarier moments in my life. My dad hasn't been feeling well since he had his defibrillator put in a few weeks ago. Last night he called me into the dining room where he was sitting, and when I got into the room, I saw his eyes roll up into the back of his head as he fell backwards off of the chair. I'm not really sure how long my dad was passed out for because I was too busy screaming for my brother. I thought my dad was having another heart attack which (thank god) he wasn't. I never thought that I would crack under pressure in a situation like that, but I did. I broke the house phone trying to call 911, and it felt like years until I was able to connect through to an operator.

We were in the emergency room for about 6-7 hours, but my dad refused to stay overnight. Stubborn bastard. My dad seems fine now, but we still aren't sure what caused the black out. They ran a few tests on him (CAT scan/blood tests) but we haven't gotten a call from the lab yet. It makes me a little uneasy, but at least it had nothing to do with his heart.

My winter vacation really isn't going the way I expected it to be...

CHRISTMAS...

was hectic, as always. I don't know what it is about Christmas that turns me off. Once a year, I am forced to be around a bunch of relatives that I haven't seen since (take a guess!) last Christmas. To be more specific, it's my mother's side of the family that I avoid. For some reason (one that will take far too long to explain) my mother's side of the family hates each other, but once a year we slap on a smile and pretend to care what the other is up to. Why pretend?

But then again, I really enjoyed Christmas with my father's side of the family. Even though I don't see them as much either, I feel like my father's side actually gives a shit about me. Or maybe everyone just pretended due to the fact that my father has been in and out of the hospital for months. Who knows?

This was a hard Christmas for my family financially. I feel terrible that I go to UMass Amerst when I could be saving my family thousands by living at home and going to UMass Dartmouth. My dad is on long term disability, and I know he's having a hard time dealing with the fact that he has to take it easy from now on. But enough complaining...

I have three weeks left in New Bedford and I hope to make the most of it. I haven't been able to see any friends or spend hours at the bookstore like I usually do because of the blizzard. Come on New England, give me a fucking break! I want to waste my day driving around aimlessly, and spending hours browsing at Baker Books. Do not deny me this! I have had enough of you already!

THE BEGINNING

I have no idea why I started this blog. ...From Xanga to Livejournal to this. I need a place to clear my head and rant about nothing in particular.

SO....

For my New Year's resolution, I decided that I needed to read a lot more. I don't know what it is about college, but I haven't been reading as much as I did in high school. I feel that most of my free time is wasted on Lost and Facebook.

Motivation, where are you?